Emotional Intelligence and Beyond!

-


A hot topic in personal and professional development these days is emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence, in general, is learning to calm the reactions our thoughts and beliefs create, so others can have their thoughts and beliefs intact in our presence. It’s learning to respect others by not imposing our ways of thinking and being on other people, and to be aware of diversity, unconscious bias, and be sensitive to others. And... of course we hope the other people are on board with this too.

Since 1999 I have been exploring human communication, connection, and relationship in a holistic way and coaching people to be better at that. We connect, communicate, and be in relationship through our body, mind, emotions, and spirit. I have learned through my own growth, and thousands of hours with clients that unless we open deeply to relationship, we will feel dis-satisfied and unfulfilled in life. The big problem is that we are so vulnerable – wound-able, that we instinctively protect ourselves which creates distance between us and what we really want under it all.

When we attempt to control relationships through wounds, we make all kinds of rules – we like our intimate partners to be a certain way. We push away others that make us uncomfortable or cause cognitive dissonance – shaking up our little world. We trust instincts born from trauma and wounds.

These rules and not being able to enforce them are a huge factor in the amount of stress and anxiety people feel. Life and other people SHOULD BE a certain way... a way that we decided as children – caused by family and society at the time – and we now believe it is just who we are or how it is. It isn’t. It is simply a strategy devised to keep us as safe and successful as possible and it is so outdated that it does us far more harm than good.

Emotional intelligence work is a great first step; assisting us to be aware of all those adverse reactions, how they affect others, and to stifle them. However, unless the next steps are taken, repressing can cause frustration, anger, resentment, and other passive aggressive behaviours. Unless deeper work is done, many people will go on not really understanding what it is all about, simply placing the ‘emotional intelligence’ band-aid on the trauma, on the wound.

Every leader will deal with these issues; in themselves, and in their teams. A leadership ninja is someone who is monitoring their own mind. Clearing away detrimental thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours as they arise. Not repressing, or re-framing them – clearing them. Experiencing new opportunities and possibilities because their mind is more open.

Once there is that level of awareness and authenticity, as a leadership ninja, you can support your team to clarity and make a generational difference in all your circles of influence – at work and at home.

That is one sweet spot to be in!

When you are ready to take action for yourself or your team, let’s talk.
www.NinjaLeadershipCoaching.com

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What is Relationship-Based Leadership?

-
Image
   Relationship-Based Leadership Caring, intentional and responsive relationships are at the heart of businesses that people want to work for. You can create deeper and more meaningful relationships with your colleagues, and employees, as well as your clients!  Modern leadership needs to be more than a shift in technique:  Leaders need to truly know and understand their managers and staff. Leaders must provide a sense of safety, acceptance, and belonging. Leaders need to be able to recognize the early signs of mental or emotional struggle and provide effective support. When we move more towards relationship-based leadership it is no surprise that this includes all of peoples’ vulnerabilities – their anxiety, defenses, and their emotional triggers and struggles. This can seem to be more than a business leader should have to deal with! There needs to be a fundamental shift in how leaders approach the HR challenge. Relationships must move from be...
Read more

Spidey-Senses, and What Can Set Them Tingling!

-
Image
Call it what you will – instinct, intuition, gut-feeling or spidey-senses – sometimes we just get a feeling... you know what I mean. These feelings trigger us in certain ways – positive and negative, towards something or away from it. There are a lot of reasons for these feelings: reminds us of someone or something that made an impact on our lives an old fear we had is triggered by a current circumstance there is something not congruent about a person, place, or thing So our mind sends out an alert. When we are moving towards being a more relationship-based leader sometimes we will be triggered. There is a path through that became clear as I worked with these triggers when they arose in me. I call it The Straight A Progression . At that time I was managing others, and sometimes I would wonder what had control over me as I was overpowered or undermined by certain of my direct reports. I was unable to be a leader to them. Yet most of the time I had good boundaries, cont...
Read more

Translating and Interpreting Communication

-
Image
In previous blog posts and videos I have written and spoken about ways that we jump to assumptions and are triggered by others because of what they do and say. They trigger us to jump to preconceived ideas that comfort us by having us believe that we are right when we encounter cognitive dissonance and our minds are too closed to be available to learning, or accepting others’ opinions and ideas. Committing to Relational Leadership means learning all about ourselves and the ways we shut others down, or tune them out. After growing your awareness for a while, as soon as the feeling of righteousness arises you will see this as a recognized signal to check in and find out what’s going on.  What belief of mine am I protecting?  Why do I want to shut this person down?    Why am I drawn to being a know-it-all now?  Why do I feel like I have to get them to think what I think; believe what I believe?   What do I get out of behaving this way? The QuickR...
Read more