Better Communication for a Better Life - Blog

I write quite a bit about clearing mental attitudes that trigger us into closing ourselves to opportunities. These are mindset issues, however they originate in the heart. The core issues that restrict us most were developed in childhood and can be difficult to pinpoint because they have become so integrated that we think they really are who we are. A closed mind is a symptom for a closed heart. Because we were hurt and had no power, the only thing we could do was internalize it – do our best to make sure it never happened again by closing off any opportunity for pain. The only way to do that is to harden and close our soft hearts so we feel less vulnerable. Compounding that – we also see how our parents and other authority figures handle vulnerability and learn to also do that. You may have seen them lashing out with violence or passive aggressiveness, been indoctrinated with their prejudices, seen them being ridiculed for ‘weak’ emotions, or avoiding most emotions entirely. Clear...

Before we are socialized, we are as authentic and natural as we can be. As we internalize what we are told, and we say it over and over to ourselves, it gives us something to hold onto, that we can count on. It keeps us feeling that we belong, are accepted, taken care of, and safe. These thoughts become embedded beliefs and include times that we we were hurt by something someone said or did that we didn’t understand. We made a decision about ourselves, others, or life in general at that time, and it has become a safety line that we believe is necessary to our survival. Don’t cross the line. Danger! We support those beliefs by limiting ourselves to fit inside our idea of safety at that time. Others can hurt me, Fight back, Stay quiet, Go hide, Life is hard, I’m not good enough, I am different, There’s not enough for me. I have to fight for what I want, I can never ask for what I want, I’m not lovable / likeable, Please them, Be a good girl / boy / lady / gentleman ... and so on. ...

Some people I work with come to me because they feel like a victim; victimized by life or others. Or some have been told they have a victim attitude about part, or all, of their life and want to find out about that. They have probably heard from others to change their mindset, to choose to be grateful, to re-frame it; in some way to fake feeling empowered and happier until they make it. Most feel that they have no control over this – it is real and they are powerless about it. In reality, they are in the grips of a core mental state that no one could just shake off in any kind of lasting, meaningful way. This state, or it could be called an attitude, covers the person from head to toe. The body feels the stress of it, the emotions are run ragged by it, the spirit feels out of reach and doesn’t recognize fulfillment... and this attitude dwells in the mind. We all have areas where we feel more and less empowered, able, or capable than others. Why? Because there is something we belie...