Better Communication for a Better Life - Blog

I spoke to a colleague last week. She had gone through a rough patch and noticed her thoughts and reactions were very volatile around that area of life – she called it a hangover. I really appreciated that. To me that meant that she knew that it was self-inflicted and she knew that she would recover. In my lingo I would call it a trigger. A specific kind of trigger that is like a worm – a worm of the mind. Worms are caused by any memory that we don’t want to think about; a missed opportunity, something we did that we think we shouldn’t have, or something we failed to do that we think we should have done. These worms lie buried until we are reminded of a painful relationship or experience. The worm is attached to the memory and brings a negative flavour to it and often, any other similar experiences as well. As long as these worms exist we are unable to really remember the learnings and good times that were also a part of the mix. Until we empower ourselves to release it - de...

Go on a walk alone and listen to your mind. Bring a small notepad and pen. Don’t bring your earbuds, airpods, or earphones this time. For best results, leave your phone behind. You and your mind need some alone time. The world will still distract you – add that to your investigation. Notice your thoughts. For now don’t try to stop or control them at all. Do your best to pull back and let your mind go wild – and watch. There is a meme that says ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys’. Now is time to find out about your circus and monkeys, and yes, we all have them. Your ‘monkey’ mind will show you the way to your limiting thoughts and beliefs. Clearing those will change your life. As you walk along begin to track the different types of thoughts that arise. Some may be great ideas that you notice because you have space, time, and attention available. Briefly write down the core of the idea in the suggested notebook. This will allow your tenacious mind to check off that communicati...

In previous blog posts and videos I have written and spoken about ways that we jump to assumptions and are triggered by others because of what they do and say. They trigger us to jump to preconceived ideas that comfort us by having us believe that we are right when we encounter cognitive dissonance and our minds are too closed to be available to learning, or accepting others’ opinions and ideas. Committing to Relational Leadership means learning all about ourselves and the ways we shut others down, or tune them out. After growing your awareness for a while, as soon as the feeling of righteousness arises you will see this as a recognized signal to check in and find out what’s going on.  What belief of mine am I protecting?  Why do I want to shut this person down?    Why am I drawn to being a know-it-all now?  Why do I feel like I have to get them to think what I think; believe what I believe?   What do I get out of behaving this way? The QuickR...